Episode 15, life is the sum of my happiness.

Imagine my situation: I was a 22-year-old student studying electrical engineering, and I was involved in a major struggle with my professors because I had won the case against one of them to undo my last examination. All of the professors were very upset with me over this and gave me a hard time. Also, I was the founder of a new political party that won the last election of the student parliament.
I had epilepsy, the left side of my face was paralyzed, and I had many other diseases related to the stress. I was quite ill.

One beautiful Sunday, I went to the emergency doctor to receive my daily injection of Reparil. A very young, overtired doctor assisted me. While he was attempting to open the ampule, it broke. This made me nervous. He opened two new ampules and had to mix the contents of the two together. His hands were shaking, and he spilled one-third of the solution from one ampule onto the floor. I was scared and knew that it was possible to die if the injection was given incorrectly.

Nevertheless, he managed to fill the syringe. He tried to inject the medication into my vein but missed, then he tried it again and again. I became furious and protested against his treatment. Suddenly, he injected the solution into my vein very fast. I lost consciousness, saw my life passing by in colorful slides, and then I saw my body from the perspective of a fly on the ceiling. I was clinically dead.

I remembered my life up to that point. I had lived a life full of sorrow; I was abused and beaten by my family nearly every day. When I left the house to go to school, older and stronger children in the neighborhood would beat me up because my family was atheist. I could hardly learn my mother tongue, German, and I was a stutterer because my parents beat me for every mistake that I made, even when I was innocent. Therefore, I went to a low-grade school and struggled to learn any languages.

At age sixteen, I’d apprenticed as a telecommunications installer and worked hard for twelve hours a day. I struggled with my boss because they were unjust, which I could not stand without protesting like crazy. I was scared to approach girls. My parents complained about me and always said, ‘You are stupid and lazy’.

I started with positive thinking, autogenic training, and self-conditioning of my mind. The side effect was epilepsy. I complained all the time and was on the edge of suicide nearly every day. Nevertheless, I had one goal as a child: To become an engineer. I went to school again but failed in the first examination, so I had to take an additional oral examination in four subjects. I finally passed as a D student. I could then study at a university.

When the doctors revived me, I knew that the way I was living was entirely wrong, because I did not enjoy my life. Then I chose for my life to equal the sum of all my happiness.

I finished my studies as an A student in Dusseldorf, and with the support of the government, I did my advanced studies in Bremen far away from my parents. Still, I was depressed and desired to change my life, so I started to study, in addition to engineering, psychology. After some time, I started going to self-experience groups. Unfortunately, these groups were not much help, so I tried body-and-feelings-oriented therapy, combined with meditation.
And that was the starting point to change my life and to get what I want…

My Question: Ambitions are great but can you enjoy your life ?

Thank you God.


My Video: Episode 15, life is the sum of my happiness. https://youtu.be/OdU9r-DE8nA
My Audio on Podcast: RELAX WITH MEDITATION or see link in the end.
My Audio: https://rudizimmerer.s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/6/episode+15.mp3

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