Don’t be a people pleaser because of your low self-esteem or lack of confidence. In the end, you harm yourself and the others and can’t live a fulfilled life. Because the people pleaser becomes over time more and more unsatisfied and frustrated and much later cannot fulfill the desires of others. He ends up with an unhealthy lifestyle and drugs.
In our Childhood, we have learned to please our parents.
We learned to say “Yes” to help other people, to step back from our desires… And that was right for our childhood because as a kid we have enough time.
The results are, that we are anxious to be ourselves and don’t demand what we really want.
Today we have not the time to help everybody and we need also that our kids are doing what we want.
What is for saying “No”?
Warren Buffet said: The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say “No” to almost everything.”
We should learn to say “Yes” only when it is necessary. Don’t waste your time on minor problems.
For Oprah Winfrey was one of the most important lessons in her life to say “No”. She learned it on the hard way when she was struggling to say “No”. “I finally got to this question: What do I want?”
If we are overloaded with too many jobs, we have to decide what we want and to use our time efficiently.
How can we learn to say “No” even it feels better to say “Yes”?
We start to say “No” to not so important things.
We learn in baby steps to say “No” to everything that is not necessary for our life.
When or how to say “No”?
1.) When you feel obligated to help. Ask yourself, Why should I help? Are you afraid of a negative feedback if you put yourself at first?
If we have the time, I think we should help. Why not?
If we are forced to help instead to decide freely, and if there is not a must, Say always “No”. Because the people learn so that blackmailing or giving you are bad consciousness is not working for you.
2.) Resist the fear of missing out. That is similar to any obligation to help because we are afraid of negative consequences. Ask yourself, do I miss out on my life if I can use my time for myself, instead to help? If helping makes you happier, then help!
If you afraid of negative consequences when you don’t help, try out not to help.
3.) When you immediately should help without looking what else you want to do. Wait, look what you had planned previously and then decide. Often, I have agreed with too many things and forgot my own agenda.
4.) Learn to say “No”, in a confident and kindly way, without hurting anybody… Give a clear, brief description, why you can’t help. Don’t lie!
5.) Be open for a “No” or a “Yes”. Say, I don’t know if I have the time to help, we will see later. You remain kind and don’t put yourself under pressure.
My Video: Learn to say “NO” https://youtu.be/Nn4stFpVCmU
My Audio on Podcast: RELAX WITH MEDITATION or see link in the end.
My Audio: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/rudizimmerer/5/Learn+to+say+%E2%80%9CNO%E2%80%9D.mp3